NARRATOR: Previously on Nip/Tuck:
You know how they say when you find your bliss...
...is when the money starts rolling in? Mime is so amazing, man.
It takes us beyond our petty egos, beyond language, and unifies us.
CHRISTIAN [O VER PHONE]: Either pay your share of the rent by sundown...
... or you can sleep on the beach with all the other freaks.
[GASPING]
ANNIE: Daddy, my stomach. It hurts so much.
WOMAN: It's an intestinal condition...
...resulting from the consumption of hair. - What?
- Annie, how did this happen? - I just pull it out, that's all.
Dixie, is that you? Oh, you look fantastic as a brunette.
No, I'm Teddy. Teddy Rowe.
I need you to stay still, Mrs. Reinholt.
[GRUNTS]
- We eloped two days ago. - Is this a joke?
Just spit it out. You don't like her? I don't care.
I just hope you didn't put any of your stuff in her name.
SEAN: It was better you weren't there.
"Make sure she can't touch your money" would've been a lousy toast.
I am doubling my life-insurance policy.
I'm making Conor and Annie sole beneficiaries.
What if Annie stayed with us for a couple of months?
Heck. Conor can come out too.
SEAN: I have worked too hard to leave my family with nothing.
SEAN: You're up early. It's almost 11. - Do we have any coffee?
SEAN: Mm-hm.
I saved you some of the paper.
It's the help-wanted section.
About time you got a real job.
- What's this? - Oh, it's $850.
Or as you and Christian like to call it, rent.
I have a real job. That's two months in a row I've made now.
Oh. Wait, did I hear you say you're paying the rent...
...without another threat of homelessness? Let me look at this stuff.
Hm. Smells like real money. Looks like real money. What do you think?
Course it's real. And here... And here's a little extra.
We should get some real coffee around here from now on. This stuff sucks.
- Where'd you get all this money? - Where do you think?
From practicing my craft.
- Craft? You mean miming? - That's right.
I heard about you, the mime robbing people.
[ALARM RINGING]
You don't scare me.
[GRUNTING]
CHRISTIAN: Let me get this straight.
People actually pay to see you perform?
Yeah. Mimes are back, Christian, in a big way.
Thanks to YouTube, all the greats are being rediscovered:
Marcel Marceau, Shields and Yarnell.
I'm just carrying on the tradition.
Oh, you must be pretty good if you're getting paid like this.
Yeah, I am. I make enough to pay my rent and support my child.
Please let me see her on Saturday. I was gonna take her to the pier.
Forget it, you deadbeat dad.
You know, you are five months behind on your child support.
I am working my fingers to the bone to pay for her childcare...
No, I'm sorry, I pay for everything.
So you consider this your last visit until you pay up.
Here.
I'll pick her up at 9 a.m. You make sure she's ready, am I clear?
Where did you get this cash?
- We should come see you perform. SEAN: That's a good idea.
You're just down on the Venice boardwalk, right?
- You don't have to do that. - No, we're proud of you, Matt.
It seems like you've finally found something you really like doing.
And you're making money, which I'm very impressed with. Even if you are a clown.
Mimes aren't clowns. I'm an artist.
We just wanna show our support.
You know, we can come down, all get lunch together...
...and make a day of it.
Look, I don't want you to. Okay?
You guys have never supported me, not once.
I don't need you to start now.
I mean, really, man, isn't the money enough?
CHRISTIAN: They've expired. It's a waste.
We don't need this much lidocaine. We should cut back until things pick up.
We just cut back on the epinephrine and the atropine.
I don't want to risk not having what we need...
...in case of an emergency.
- What about the prefilled syringes for ACLS? - Outdated. All of it. Okay?
It's money just thrown away.
With the rent going up on the Malibu house...
...we should just do surgeries there. We could save a bundle.
You know, I should just tell you.
Teddy's place sold.
And we made an offer on a really great place we saw. Santa Monica adjacent.
Well, that's great.
I mean, I'm fine. I'll be fine, you know.
I'm not gonna let rent get in the way of you moving on with your life.
I think it's great.
Ooh, I gotta go.
- So when does Conor's flight get in? - 11:10.
I can't wait for Teddy to meet the little guy.
You know, she's really excited about becoming a part of this whole new family.
Yeah, well, I guess that doesn't include me...
...because she gives a shit about getting to know me.
You just have to give it a little time.
You guys got off to a rocky start. You didn't like her from the beginning.
You know, Teddy is planning a little family brunch...
...to welcome Conor to L.A. Why don't you come?
You know, maybe later. She should...
She should get to know the kids first.
[GNARLES BARKLEY'S "WHO'S GONNA SAVE MY SOUL" PLAYING O VER SPEAKERS]
One more.
- Bad day, doc? - Bad year.
Don't mean to make it any worse, but you need to close out your tab.
It's been a couple months now. Boss's been on me about it.
When's the boss gonna get some new talent around here?
I mean, these old whores are getting tired.
Couple new girls on a break right now.
One of them is kind of skinny, but the other one, right up your alley.
A huge talent. Juggernaut talent, truthfully.
- What's her name? - Jenny.
Jenny Juggs.
Why don't you run along and tell Jenny Juggs to brush her teeth...
...and meet me in the VIP room.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll pay the tab before I go.
[CHUCKLES]
Are those real?
Ah.
No touching.
- Heh, heh, heh. - No touching. No, No.
- You like my boobies? - Yeah.
You do, don't you?
Because you're a very nasty little boy.
Just a little feel?
I mean, I've gotta see if those babies are real. Huh? Huh?
- Are they real? - Did you hear me?
This is not the goddamn farmer's market, you pervert.
You can't go squeezing the melons.
Get the hell off me. This is bullshit. Freak. I'm not paying for this.
I am not a hooker, I'm a performer.
You got some delusions of grandma, sister.
Shh. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. Okay?
It's just it's my first day.
I'm a little defensive. Okay?
I'll be nice. Sorry. Okay.
I'll let you touch them. You wanna touch them?
You know what, sweet cheeks, I'm over it.
But my name's Dr. Christian Troy. I'm a plastic surgeon.
You should call me. All right?
So I can do something with these gravity bags.
They must be killing your back.
I deserved that.
Okay, I totally deserved that.
Just stay. Don't get me fired.
[CHUCKLES]
And I'll let you touch them.
And you'll like it a lot.
You wanna do that?
Yeah, touch them. Touch them.
Yeah. Put your face right in the middle of them.
CHRISTIAN: All right, Mama.
How do you like them gravity bags, shit face.
Are you going to eat those eggs or make a sculpture of them?
I don't eat unborn chickens.
This is an unfertilized globule of albumen and protein.
It came out of the same opening that a chicken poops out of.
Once the mother hen lays it...
...she promptly runs away with great relief.
This egg is never going to be a chicken.
It is never going to feel pain, and it is never going to have a soul.
- Now, eat. - I'm not hungry.
Perhaps Mademoiselle McNamara would enjoy her eggs more...
...if there was a hunk of hair mixed in.
SEAN: Hello? Anyone home? - Hey.
Aw. This must be Conor.
- He's a little shy with new people. - Maybe he just senses evil.
Annie, for God's sake.
- She been giving you a hard time? - She's a 13-year-old. It's her job.
I wish I had your patience.
Well, you were never a teenage girl, lucky me.
- Conor, this is Teddy. - Hey.
You're so handsome. Just like your dad.
Wow. You sure have a way with him.
SEAN: Annie, you wanna drop the attitude for five minutes...
...and try to be a part of this family?
She's not my family.
She's right. I am the monster who dared to have her sit and eat some eggs.
Anytime I exert any authority over her...
...she thinks I'm trying to take the place of her mom.
You know, I was thinking, maybe we could just start over.
You know, get to know each other in a new environment...
...where there aren't so many memories.
- Go some place together. - You mean like a family vacation?
That sounds like fun.
You know, Conor's never been to Disneyland.
Disneyland blows. Disneyworld's twice as good.
Only half as many people get hurt each year.
I'm with Annie with this one. Disneyland does blow.
I was thinking more along the lines of something kind of adventurous.
- Like a camping trip. - Camping? Like in the outdoors?
Yeah, like in the outdoors.
Well, that sounds great.
It would be something new, wouldn't it? I think it's a fantastic idea.
Shake things up a bit, give us all a chance to connect in a new way.
Honey, give her a chance, okay?
For me?
Sounds to me like you had it coming.
When I go to a strip club, I'm paying to objectify women.
That's the whole goddamn point.
It's the only place this side of Bangkok where a man can actually act like a man.
I'm not letting Jenny Juggs ruin our last man oasis.
Still, you shouldn't have said what you said.
I should have said much worse. The only reason that she's working there...
...is so she can get rid of her angry feminist-agenda bullshit.
She's a tit terrorist.
She's Valerie Solanas with beach balls.
- Valerie who? - Famous man-hater who shot Warhol.
I don't understand. She punched you in the face with her breast?
Yes. She punched me in the face with her breasts.
Okay, and I'm not the on...
It's not funny. It's not... I'm not the only one, there are other victims.
Come and take a look. I'm serious.
It's not. Get ov... Come here, I'll show you.
[ON COMPUTER] You think you are so scary, don't you.
- Those things must weigh 50 pounds. - Uh-huh.
JENNY: Leering at us women.
- Smiling, laughing. - She's talking to a pumpkin.
I said stop smiling.
You want my tricks and treats?
Well, I'm here to tell you, I am no man's trick.
[JENNY GRUNTS ON VIDEO]
And that's the only treat that you deserve.
A lesson in how to treat women.
- You see? Those are deadly weapons. - What are you going to do?
I'm gonna have her arrested for assault and battery.
She needs to be taught a lesson.
She needs to learn that crime doesn't pay.
See, this is a great app. You can alter photographs.
See I look kind of sad here, so I swipe it and I'm smiling.
Oh, that's cool.
I need to see Dr. Troy right away.
- Do you have an appointment? - No, but I need to talk to him today.
- As soon as possible. - Okay.
Well, why don't you just take a seat? And what's your name?
Jennifer Juggs. Okay?
And I'm not leaving until I see him.
All right. Well, she's gonna call the doctor. You go take a seat.
[STAMMERS]
- I just have his voicemail... - Dr. Troy...
...I just barely made bail after spending the whole night in a fricking cell.
- I just lost my fricking job too. I just frick... - Okay, all right.
Take a seat or I'll call security.
You obviously don't know who you're talking to.
Clearly a person with poor people skills.
People skills? Wanna see some people skills?
Are you the world's most self-destructive woman or what?
I know, okay, I know. I know. I have rage issues. But that's why I'm here.
I'll pay for your phone, Dr. Troy. I just need some help.
Damn right you need some help.
Dr. Epstein is just down the hallway. He's a well-respected shrink.
He deals with, you know, body-image issues.
It's so much bigger than that. As...
What color are my eyes?
- I don't know. - They're blue.
And they're really pretty.
But no one's ever gonna know that. All they know is my jugs is gigantic.
[JENNY CRYING]
If you ask anyone in my 10th grade class...
...what they remember about Jenny Jarvis...
...first, they'll laugh uncomfortably...
...and they'll say, "Her humongous tits."
And that's it.
Because that's who I am and that's all I'll ever be.
I need you to give me a breast reduction.
[SCOFFS]
Why would you work at a strip club?
It's the one place where people actually pay to look at your breasts?
It's counterintuitive, don't you think?
What else am I gonna do?
You gonna hire me to be your receptionist?
Sweetheart, after what you've done to my T2 and my telephone...
...I don't think I'm the right guy to be asking.
I know that I seem a little bitter and angry.
I need you to believe me that I have really tried to embrace myself.
I've tried to do some stand-up comedy...
...and some performance art... - Is that what you call those videos?
Comedy and performance art? You are a sick, angry person.
You need to be taught a lesson.
I thought you were a doctor.
And I thought that you would wanna heal me instead of trying to punish me.
[SIGHS]
Okay, can I get a little help?
I got mess kits...
...four sleeping bags, a Coleman lamp and other odds and ends.
Annie doesn't wanna go.
I'll bring all this stuff back.
What is it? Is it bugs? Her allergies?
Well, I told her about the camper, that she'd have her own bed.
I made it sound like the Four Seasons.
Sean, you're a great dad.
But you don't ask a 13-year-old to go on a trip. You tell her.
I know, I know.
It's just that I don't see her very often...
...so yeah, I indulge her more than I should.
Annie's never gonna respect you if she knows she can manipulate you.
You know, kids need limits.
Do you want to be her father or her mark?
Why don't you do this? How about you and Christian...
...you go see Matt's mime thingy, and I will talk to her.
That could backfire.
She hasn't been able to accept you.
I mean, us.
We really should have had some kind of ceremony.
I could have invited Annie and Conor and made them a part of it.
You terrible, horrible, horrible man, you.
Thinking of yourself for once.
It will be okay.
I promise I'll talk to her.
I love you, Mrs. McNamara.
Do you know that?
[BONGO DRUMS PLAYING]
You wanna walk back again? Maybe he was on a break.
Are you kidding me? And go past all these freaks again?
Whole place smells like patchouli.
Hey, excuse me.
- Do you normally work down here? - Every day, bro.
Is there a section where we might find a mime?
- A mime? What...? - A mime. You know?
They do the whole "I'm in a box" thing. His name is Matt.
Yeah, yeah. There's no mimes on this boardwalk, man.
At least not anymore. I mean, there used to be a bunch, man, but now, like...
Now what?
Ever since that one started doing all those robberies, man...
...they all just sort of, like, disappeared, you know?
- What robberies? - Some dude dressed as a mime...
...has been jacking people at gunpoint, man.
Happened, like, five times.
So the cops started rounding up all the mimes on the boardwalk...
...for questioning recently. Now they're all gone.
- Since when? - A week...
...which is great for me, man, because it's more business. Ha, ha.
How much...? How much do you make in a day?
On a good weekend? Like...
I don't know, like, 40, 50 bucks, man, easily.
- Forty, 50 bucks. That's it? MUSICIAN: Yeah.
No, dude. Dude, that's tax-free, man.
- How much did Matt give you for the rent? - Almost 900 bucks.
[KNOCKING]
TEDD Y: Annie? I'd like to talk to you.
Hey there.
I just wanted to let you know that I understand what you're going through.
You know, feeling betrayed, self-conscious...
...certain that no one likes you.
I didn't say you could come in.
I wasn't aware that I needed permission to enter and exit in my own home.
- Fine. I'll go back to my mom's. - Will you?
See, your mom is just as worried about you as we are.
That's why she sent you here.
We all agree that you need help.
You're so full of it. I don't believe anything you say.
Distrustful of others.
I forgot that one. I'm gonna have to add it to the list.
- What list? - The symptoms list on the admissions form.
Annie...
...you're not alone. There are thousands of girls just like you.
Hair eaters, skin cutters, self-starving manic depressives...
...they've all managed to get help at places like Discovery Ranch.
No, really. Just Google mentally disturbed teenage girls.
You'll see. There are more residence centers than Motel 6s.
- We'll find the right one for you. - My dad will never let you...
Your daddy is not always gonna be around to protect you.
And you're not always going to be Daddy's little girl.
Here's a big secret, Annie.
He's a man just like every other man.
You can't count on them. In fact, he's already pretty fed up with you.
For God's sake, he had to pull a pound of hair out of your stomach.
But it's up to you.
Wait.
What do I have to do?
What do you think? Any of these bozos look familiar to you, Mrs. Park?
I don't know. They all look the same to me.
Number five is 6'5".
You don't remember if the mime who held you up is 6'5"?
- It happened very fast. - And he didn't say a word?
All he did was that mime shit.
[INTERCOM BEEPS]
Okay, gentlemen. Here's the drill.
You're each gonna step forward, one at a time...
...and pretend you're holding a gun to somebody's face.
Number one, you're first.
No, that's not him.
Your turn, number two.
That look like Little Joe on Bonanza.
Number three.
All right, all right, guys. Come on, let's just keep this simple.
Number four, it's your turn.
Nope, that's not him either.
And it's not the bald one. My mime had hair.
- You sure he wasn't wearing a wig? - No, no. None of these guys are right.
Round up some more mimes and give me a call.
All right, fellas. You can go home.
This is bullshit. I can't believe you guys are accusing me of this. I'm your son.
SEAN: Which is why we know this kind of thing isn't out of character for you.
You've gone from a little shit to a piece of shit.
- You know, I don't need to listen to this. SEAN: You sit.
We found this in your bedroom.
Are you going through my stuff now? What is this, Malibu or Moscow?
- Where did you get money? - Miming.
Bullshit!
You bet 20 bucks for walking against the wind?
Yes, sometimes. I'm good. I told you, or is that so hard for you to believe?
We went down to Venice and you weren't there.
Because I moved over to the promenade. There are more Europeans there.
Where the hell do you think I get all the 20s from? It's like 2 bucks to them.
Put yourself in our shoes. There's over $3000 here. From miming?
[SCOFFS]
You guys really think I did it.
Oh, my own fathers. Well, heh, heh...
That's... That's just great.
"Albert Chavies, detective, Pacific Division." What is this?
Well, he's the cop investigating the mime crimes.
He gave me his card after the lineup yesterday.
- You were in a lineup? - Yeah.
And the eyewitness cleared me as a suspect.
You can call him if you want to. Oh, and congratulations, by the way.
You both are getting what you wanted. I'm moving out.
SEAN: All right, buddy, here we go.
Now, the trick here is to hold it just far enough away...
...so it gets a little brown, but you don't want it to catch on fire.
The key to a S'more is getting the perfect proportion...
...between the chocolate bar to a graham cracker.
SEAN: You think that's brown enough? Me too.
- I think we're ready. - Okay.
Ooh.
Here you go.
- Look at that. Look how good that looks. - Okay.
Come here, sit down.
- I think yours is ready. - Goody.
You know why they call it a S'more, don't you?
It's because the S'more you eat, the S'more you want.
Maybe they should call them barf bags.
- Well? - At least it keeps the bugs away.
All right, my turn.
Let the professional handle this one.
SEAN: Hey, don't shortchange me on the gooey stuff, okay?
I won't.
- Here you go. That looks good. - Ah. Look at that.
- Look at that. - Nice.
- I'm gonna get some water. - Can you fill the canteen for me, please?
I think she's warming up to me.
[TOILET FLUSHES]
What are you doing out of bed? You just had a huge surgery.
Didn't somebody bring you a bedpan?
She forgets to empty it.
Well, that will not do. I apologize.
Get back into bed.
Can somebody come in here and clean out Miss Juggs' bedpan, please?
Miss Juggs is dead.
I have to get a new stage name.
Jenny Joy? No need for all that anger.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Now, we managed to take out more than I'd anticipated.
So we took you down to a C.
From a G to a C, if you can believe that.
I'm a little disoriented.
I just feel like something is missing.
Uh-huh.
Oh, the drainage is looking good.
I'm just gonna tell you exactly how to do that once you get home.
I have gotta tell you...
...in all the years that I've done this, I've never seen, let alone remove...
...so much fat and tissue at one time.
I should've called the shelter. We could've fed the homeless for weeks.
What?
They look like two mosquito bites.
Sweetheart.
A C is a nice handful.
And you know what they say, anything more than a handful is too hard to handle.
Don't talk about my breasts as if they're your playthings.
- And don't ever call me sweetheart. - Are you in pain? Hm?
- Don't ever... - You need to get a handle on that.
Look, you just grab this little guy here and you press the button.
Press the butt... Look at you, Mr. Ain't-l-Cool, feeling like a big shot...
...because you took away my mojo.
Cool your jets, all right? I'll get somebody to clean out your bedpan.
Yeah, no need for that.
Can't do this to me. I'm not recovered. It's torture.
Go call Amnesty International. I'm pressing full charges against her.
I'm pressing full charges against you, you sexually harassing dickweed.
If I see you again, I'll cut off your arms and legs as well.
Not before I cut your head off and shit down your neck.
Wha?
I guess just because you take a person's weapons away...
...doesn't mean you take away their anger, hm?
SEAN: Hey, baby.
TEDD Y: Hey.
So...
The kids are passed out.
I think nature does something for insomnia.
This was a great idea of yours.
One big happy family.
Mm-hm.
This was a very good idea.
[LOCK CLICKING]
[GENERATOR HUMMING]
[OPERA MUSIC PLAYING O VER SPEAKERS]
So this is where all that singing is coming from.
- You scared me. - Sorry.
Couldn't sleep, and I heard the opera...
...so I figured, why not come see who my cultured neighbor is?
- Teddy. McNamara. - Nice to meet you.
My husband and I are with the kids over in number 14 just up the road.
I'm Jerry. I'm sorry about the music.
I really thought I was the only one out here.
Oh, gosh, no worries. I can't sleep in those campers, anyway.
They're so cramped.
My husband, he's got the heat up full blast...
...the kids are sawing logs. What about you?
You here with a wife or girlfriend?
Me? No.
No, I can't convince her to get the waders on.
- Flyfisherman? - Yeah.
- Any luck today? - Not much.
But I think that's about to change.
- I hope so. - Would you like some wine?
Sure.
I have some time.
Well, in that case...
...you're really going to enjoy the show.
Show? What show?
[GRO ANING]
TEDD Y: So where are we going? - Just a few more steps.
Here we are.
Where?
Just wait a second. It's about to begin.
ANNIE: Dad. Dad.
Conor's sick and I feel like I'm gonna throw up.
- God, my head... - You feel it too?
Can you just...? Can you open a window, please?
I tried. But they're all locked.
MAN: It's called the Perseid meteor shower, named after the Perseus constellation.
Happens every year about this time.
But tonight is a very rare event.
[SEAN PANTING]
Conor. Hey, come on, bud. Come here.
We're gonna get out of here.
So transcending.
This is the best part.
You can feel it.
It's like being one with the cosmos.
Like gods.
[GRUNTING AND COUGHING]
Yes. Well, thank you for bringing me out here.
I need to go.
SEAN: All right, come on. Let's go, everybody.
TEDD Y: Help. Help.
I hate the ones that scream.
You okay?
It feels worse.
Help! Somebody help!
Sean!
- You okay? - I don't understand what happened.
Keep your brother awake.
Sean!
Sean. Sean.
My wife must've taken the keys when she went for a walk.
I'll get one of my guys to swing by and find her...
...when she gets back from her walk.
You know, you're just lucky I heard you screaming.
Never get any cell reception out here.
Yeah.
Lucky.
MAN: Thanks, man.
You're that mime bandit, right?
Don't worry. They don't pay me enough to put up a fight.
This is kind of cool, actually. Get me on the 6:00 news.
Maybe they send one of those hot-ass reporters down to interview me.
You want the silver too?
- Can you mime dead? - Oh, shit.
[KNOCKING]
- Who is it? MATT: Christian.
What? Did you forget your invisible box?
[MATT GRUNTING]
What?
Help me.
Jesus.
[ENGLISH SDH]